Thursday, October 27, 2011

Delaying My Sleep: blogging

I know I know.
Blogging is somehow a source of procrastination. And, this activity is actually paving a way for me to become a NERD. But why not try? This could be media to hone my English skills. *self justification*

Oh yeah, I sure do hope this second blog could for real be my blog. I tried several attempts of making blogs, but yes they all failed. Anyway, this could be a time-killer in lonely times like....now, perhaps.
I am not begging for your pity; I am saying the true condition.

A bit of cur-col-ing won't hurt, would it?
So yes, this is about my third month up on this remote place; Lookout Mountain. I go to college here, hello!  Sometimes as I walk through the gravel and falling leaves back to Andreas building from my class, I like to think: "Hey girl, you're up here huh? Unbelievable! Remember how your biggest dream is limited to going to UPH for your law degree? Girl, you are just one lucky little brat (oops, brat! Yes, I sometimes think I am a little brat. I don't know how many people envy me and my super-cushiony world where everything's provided. Yet, I still fret over my flaws. I still feel lonely. I still think others are better than me. I still think I am not smart. I still think I'm not that attractive and pretty. I still think I am not that religious. I still think I'm fat. FAT!! My goodness gracious, what a brat! Oh dear Jesus, thank you for being so patient with this cute, little brat)."

I know this next paragraph is jumpy. In fact, it should be jumpy. I didn't put a lot of effort in this writing. But I just want to continue. I feel lonely. However, God revealed to me something quite absurd. He said, "Oh deary, you know what? You are actually tearing my heart if you feel lonely."
I was, "WHAT! Why?"
"Yes, don't you realize that I am with you always?"

Oh yeah, there goes this super, usual theory: God is always we us. Yes I knew that. But......why would this be so offensive to God?

"Yes darling, the fact that you feel lonely implicitly reveal that you are not aware of my presence. So even though Im there, you don't feel me."

My goodness. Yes, that is it. I can feel God's heart. he must have been excruciated by my mean actions. I was self-pitying myself, yet at the same time it marred His emotions.

Thus, whenever I do feel lonely, I always feel Him nearer to me. We chat on the dining hall, on the bed, int the class, in the room, while walking, while listening to chapels, everywhere.

So, what is the conclusion, Jane? *blink blink*
BEING LONELY IS FUN! I can feel Him more.

With this perspective, I now can face every situation with a smile. I am confident when I am lonely. Well, let's change it into a more positive word: solitude.

I am in solitude now. That is why I write this blog. It is not time killing, really. Kinda fruitful, it seems to me.

Yours truly,
the happy-go-lonely girl

Lookout Mountain, 12.05 a.m, (10/28/2011)

ps: ini hari sumpah pemuda kah?? TEEHEE!

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