Galaunisme? Blame it to the song!

Sabtu yang lumayan sepi.

I went hiking with Megan and Lindsay though. Good thing.

But intinya bukan itu. That is only the introduction: my summary of the day. *gak ada hubungannn!*

So what I did today was picking songs and listening to it. Lagi super kangen sama the song "Jesus Beautiful Savior" and so as usual, I googled it. And yes I had a chance to hear it and I felt God. But again, kalo udah gitu gak pernah puas untuk google some more songs. However, since Ive promised Megan I'll go hiking with her, jadi di delay sampe abis dinner.

Malemnya jane kembali ngeyoutube. Ini jarang jane lakuin, for your information. Youtubing what? Songs! What songs? Nah ini dia deh.

Okay, before moving on, just to tell you briefly about myself, I don't usually listen to what I classify as "worldly" songs: non-Christian songs. I only listen to Christian songs ya karena I feel kalo listen to Christian songs itu bisa makin deket sama Tuhan. And lagipula, I have this thinking that listening to what-I-classify-as-worldly-songs makes God sad. Entah ini pemikiran yang terlalu ekstrim (probably), itu yang Jane hold for so long.

But today, well yeah. Iseng. Jane googled Indonesian popular songs which to be frank, I enjoyed. Jane nonton Afgan "Terimakasih Cinta", Tangga "Hebat", and terakhir Samson "Kenangan Terindah." 

As a result.....

GALAU.

Galauin apa bu? 

Jane lagi suka cowok? Enggak.

Jane keinget lagi cinta Jane yang gak kesampean itu? Oh please, this is stupid. No!

Jane pernah ditolak? Nembak aja belom.

Jane lagi mikirin nasib jomblo, jane? Haha, nggaklaya. 

Oh, Jane mungkin lagi homesick. Enggak juga tuh. 

Jane.. lagi lonely? Not quite. 

SO?

It was really nothing to do with my condition. These songs are inherently galau! So the galauness doth not depend on me, but the songs themselves! What I noticed was this: even though you have no reason to be galau, but if you listen to galau songs, then you'll be galau. Apalagi cewek yang pernah punya pengalaman persis gitu. Bedeh, makin menjadi jadi. Kalo udah gitu kan jadi rembong. Semuanya keliatan kelabu.. hikshiks

So my point is this: songs about failed love (or even successful love) CAN and IS GUARANTEED to affect us. God doesn't want us to be sad me lulu. Note that in I Thessalonians 5:16 God says "Be joyful ALWAYS."

Perhatikan. Ini perintah, bukan mau/nggak. Jadi, gak boleh galau at all?

Hmm, I'm not saying this. What I'm saying is, don't provoke/trigger the galauisme. Kalo lagi galau karena ada external force yang tidak terhindari like: death, break-ups, friendship disputes, family disputes, dll it is totally fine. What makes it sin is when you DWELL in the galaunisme. Kalo udah tau lagi sedih, ya jangan di "bumbuin" sama lagu2 galau dong.

Justru, kalo lagi galau, dengerin lagu rohani dong. Biar airmata yang tertahan--galau yang dipendem--itu bisa ditumpahkan pada source yang benar--Jesus Christ.

Anyway, I really don't know whether or not my standing of listening to ONLY Christians songs (with exemptions to neutral songs) is too extreme. Maybe yes, maybe no. However, after today's experience, I think I will stick with it. It prevents me of being galau. And even if Jane galau, I can find strength in the "Jesus" songs, not exaggerating the feeling by listening to galau songs. Perhaps mungkin "standard lagu" yang Jane pegang ini juga yang membuat someone tulis kesan tentang Jane di buku kenangan: 

"Jane, buat gw pribadi, adalah seorang figur wanita yang ALWAYS CERIA dan GIRANG, kayak GAK PERNAH KENA MASALAH gitu, or maybe she's so good to cover it."

Thinking through, yes, it's probably because Jane dengernya lagu Tuhan melulu, jadi keliatan always girang.

So, if now you're galau or not, DON'T LISTEN TO GALAU SONGS! Exemptions? You decide.

Lookout Mountain, October 29, 2011 (9.16 pm)

Delaying My Sleep: blogging

I know I know.
Blogging is somehow a source of procrastination. And, this activity is actually paving a way for me to become a NERD. But why not try? This could be media to hone my English skills. *self justification*

Oh yeah, I sure do hope this second blog could for real be my blog. I tried several attempts of making blogs, but yes they all failed. Anyway, this could be a time-killer in lonely times like....now, perhaps.
I am not begging for your pity; I am saying the true condition.

A bit of cur-col-ing won't hurt, would it?
So yes, this is about my third month up on this remote place; Lookout Mountain. I go to college here, hello!  Sometimes as I walk through the gravel and falling leaves back to Andreas building from my class, I like to think: "Hey girl, you're up here huh? Unbelievable! Remember how your biggest dream is limited to going to UPH for your law degree? Girl, you are just one lucky little brat (oops, brat! Yes, I sometimes think I am a little brat. I don't know how many people envy me and my super-cushiony world where everything's provided. Yet, I still fret over my flaws. I still feel lonely. I still think others are better than me. I still think I am not smart. I still think I'm not that attractive and pretty. I still think I am not that religious. I still think I'm fat. FAT!! My goodness gracious, what a brat! Oh dear Jesus, thank you for being so patient with this cute, little brat)."

I know this next paragraph is jumpy. In fact, it should be jumpy. I didn't put a lot of effort in this writing. But I just want to continue. I feel lonely. However, God revealed to me something quite absurd. He said, "Oh deary, you know what? You are actually tearing my heart if you feel lonely."
I was, "WHAT! Why?"
"Yes, don't you realize that I am with you always?"

Oh yeah, there goes this super, usual theory: God is always we us. Yes I knew that. But......why would this be so offensive to God?

"Yes darling, the fact that you feel lonely implicitly reveal that you are not aware of my presence. So even though Im there, you don't feel me."

My goodness. Yes, that is it. I can feel God's heart. he must have been excruciated by my mean actions. I was self-pitying myself, yet at the same time it marred His emotions.

Thus, whenever I do feel lonely, I always feel Him nearer to me. We chat on the dining hall, on the bed, int the class, in the room, while walking, while listening to chapels, everywhere.

So, what is the conclusion, Jane? *blink blink*
BEING LONELY IS FUN! I can feel Him more.

With this perspective, I now can face every situation with a smile. I am confident when I am lonely. Well, let's change it into a more positive word: solitude.

I am in solitude now. That is why I write this blog. It is not time killing, really. Kinda fruitful, it seems to me.

Yours truly,
the happy-go-lonely girl

Lookout Mountain, 12.05 a.m, (10/28/2011)

ps: ini hari sumpah pemuda kah?? TEEHEE!